All posts by Score Bard

Notes on a Three-Way

The Red Sox had to overpay
To make their problem go away.
The good news is that Jason Bay
Is in Boston, not a Ray.

Manny’s act is in L.A.
What will Torre have to say
To keep the clubhouse in array
When Pierre and Jones don’t get to play?

Pittsburgh shouts, "Callooh! Callay!
Two LaRoches in the fray!"
The team’s no longer gone astray.
The Pirates’ future starts today.

 

Please Come Down from the Ledge, Mr. Met

Your week has been rough, Mr. Met,
And I see that you’re very upset.
But nobody blames you
For losing those games, you
Are still our dear round-headed pet.

I know you envision the threat
That a tabloid or local gazette
Will find you at fault
And launch an assault
On your wonderful spherical tête.

That will not happen, I’ll bet.
They’re looking for someone to get,
But try to imagine
If you were Tom Glavine–
Now there is a guy who should sweat.

The Peterson/Randolph duet;
Minaya–plus Phillips, Duquette–
It’s always the leaders
That newspaper readers
Catch in their scapegoating net.

Don’t do a thing you’ll regret.
A mascot has no need to fret.
You’re not the guy
They’re trying to fry,
So please do not fall.
Just back off that wall,
Let Mets fans instead
Use your ball-as-a-head
To cheer for tomorrow
To move past the sorrow
Of this awful collapse
And one day perhaps
The fans will forgive, or forget.

MLB Team Names in Swedish

In full appreciation of this map of the Stockholm Subway system, where all the Swedish place names are translated into literal English, I present the 30 Major League team names, translated into literal Swedish, listed in Swedish alphabetical order.

Which team is which, I’ll leave it for you to figure out in the comments.  No fair spilling the beans if you can already speak a Scandinavian language, though.

Björnungarna
Bryggarna
De Idrottsliga
De Klippiga
De Kungliga
De Landsomfattande
De Modiga
De Röda
Fäderna
Gyllingarna
Indianerna
Jänkarna
Jättarna
Nötskrikarna
Parkvaktarna
Rockorna
Röda Fåglarna
Röda Strumporna
Sjömännen
Sjörövarna
Skallerormarna
Spjutfiskarna
Stjärnorna
Storstadsinvånarna
Tigrarna
Tvillingarna
Undvikarna
Ungstona
Vita Strumporna
Änglarna

Help Found

I’ve found some brave souls to help me generate more content here on Humbug. However, I’m still open to suggestions, so if, in addition to our usual artsy stuff, you have any ideas for “gimmicky recurring features” (our new mantra), please email me at toaster AT humbug .com.

In the meantime, I’m happy to welcome Dianagramr and Ember Nickel (nobody uses real names around these parts) to the Humbug team. Ember starts things off with a lovely acrostic sonnet.

Help Wanted

I’m looking for some help to create some more Humbug content. I’d like to provide some more fun, frivolous baseball humbug on a more regular basis.

In particular, I’m looking for a quizmaster of sorts, someone to help me create another round of Humbugardy questions. If you’re interested, or have any other brilliant ideas for fun, frivolous baseball humbug, send me an email at toaster AT humbug.com.