Veteran injuries leave languishing Arizona realistically expecting a lemon.
Old relics offer paltry excuses, sagging attendance.
With each broken bone,
Veterans are lost. Veteran efficency ratchets down eventually.
Old veterans end reigns. But all year
Kids offer play lofting over veteran experience.
Kids are the answer!
The Red Sox third baseman named Shea
Was recently traded awea.
The backup named Mueller
Was once roster fueller
But now he can plea everydea.
“Sheffield, Jones, and Jones.”
I like how that intones.
But nothing, in my view,
Beats “Alou, Alou, Alou.”
A Miller Park sausage was struck
By the butcherous Simon Le Buc.
To race by this brute
Requires a new route,
Since dogs are too beefy to duck.
The Generator of the Random Diamond Note
has current 40-man rosters in my latest upgrade.
To celebrate, I now present a song I wrote
from a randomly generated title that it made.
The Angels love Kevin Appier’s sense of humor, like the time when he got up and danced wiht the Rally Monkey to “Fortune Cookie Kind” by Seven Windmills.
Download the song:
Their pitchers keep yielding big knocks,
Their outfield’s a big pile of rocks,
Their hitting seems stuck,
And compounding their luck,
Their mascot contracts monkeypox.
take my record books and throw them in the freezer for my descendants to thaw and take my boring life story and burn it to ashes along with Sammy Sosa defining each each side of the plate with a tap of the bat Mark McGwire eyes blinking hard then stretching wide open to see what is coming Rickey Henderson bent over his head following the ball in then stopping straight down eyes peeking back at the catcher's glove Barry Bonds face full of boredom and disgust all those ball threes
To not be Piniella’s pet peeve,
Emotions should be on your sleeve.
Go air your despair!
To swear is to care!
A loss you don’t share, you don’t grieve.
Men who openly
Flap their wings like mad chickens
Don’t care what you think.
I’m taking some time off, just restin’ and chillin’,
So meanwhile, I dug up a bard who can fill in.
–Score Bard
Dave, New Jersey: Regarding “Hat-gate” (Clemens in the HOF as a Yankee); Why shouldn’t Rocket go in as a Yankee? Everytime he plays in Fenway he gets no respect/love from the fans (partly because he is a Yankee, but more so)…even his wife and family get verbally abused at these games. The Boston fans don’t like him, why should he honor that town and club by wearing their hat? Shouldn’t it come down to what town he (and his family) was happiest playing in? His best memories? Everyone needs to remember Boston didn’t want him anymore. Yet, the Yankees traded a favorite (Wells, at the time a great pitcher too, still is) to get him, showing they wanted him.
Shakespeare: Love me or love me not, I like the cap;
And it I will have, or I will have none.
The Taming of the Shrew, IV, iii
Joe Vallee (Woodbury, New Jersey) What was it like coming back to Philly this week? Although you were there for only a short time, I’m sure you have some good memories of the World Series year in 1983. Can the Phils get consistent, or is this team hopeless?
Shakespeare: I remember a mass of things, but nothing distinctly.
Carolyn (Vienna, VA): How aware are players and former players of Larry Doby? Seems like everyone talks about Jackie Robinson but rarely about Mr. Doby.
Shakespeare: I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though
ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there
was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you
are: make the trial of it in any constant question.
Sam (Ypsilanti, MI): I’m a big fan! In your column about the AL West, you note that the A’s “Big 3” have been more vunerable than in the past. But look at their ERAs – Hudson 3.08, Mulder 3.26, and Zito 2.92. Struggling? These three are what is holding this team to a good record! Zito’s 7-5 record overshadows that he is 1st in the AL in BAA (.197). What gives?
Shakespeare: Your eyes do make no coaches; in your tears
There is no certain princess that appears;
You’ll not be perjured, ’tis a hateful thing;
Tush, none but minstrels like of sonneting!
But are you not ashamed? nay, are you not,
All three of you, to be thus much o’ershot?
You found his mote; the king your mote did see;
But I a beam do find in each of three.
Jeff from Newton, MA: On the topic of GM’s and Billy Beane’s new found fame (Moneyball): Who will be running the ball clubs of tomorrow? Will it be the Chairman of the Board type Owner(Steinbrenner), the all-knowing, stat watching GM (Beane, Epstein), or the ex-ballplayer Manager who understands the intangables (B. Valentine, J. Torre, M. Scioscia)? Can they work together?
Shakespeare: To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Doris – Virginia: Why do you call Barry Bonds by his first name when you refer to other players by their last name?
Shakespeare: Accuse me thus: that I have scanted all
Wherein I should your great deserts repay,
Forgot upon your dearest love to call,
Whereto all bonds do tie me day by day.
Kevin (New York, NY): When you were a player, were salary differentials between high paid and low paid athletes ever a problem in the clubhouse?
Shakespeare: Noble friends,
That which combined us was most great, and let not
A leaner action rend us. What’s amiss,
May it be gently heard: when we debate
Our trivial difference loud, we do commit
Murder in healing wounds: then, noble partners,
The rather, for I earnestly beseech,
Touch you the sourest points with sweetest terms,
Nor curstness grow to the matter.
Jeremy (Portland, OR): It seems like the Reds have been getting into more than their fair share of Brawls recently. Is it just bad luck, or are they over reacting? It looks to me like some of them are a little eager to fight, but I’ve never had a Major League fastball coming at my head. Of course, you don’t see Larkin or Griffey charging the mound.
Shakespeare: My lord, wise men ne’er sit and wail their woes,
But presently prevent the ways to wail.
To fear the foe, since fear oppresseth strength,
Gives in your weakness strength unto your foe,
And so your follies fight against yourself.
Fear and be slain; no worse can come to fight:
And fight and die is death destroying death;
Where fearing dying pays death servile breath.
Utek (LA): You say that Albert Pujols is the best young hitter in the majors, because he “attacks the ball”. I’m not sure what you mean by this. Lots of hitters—particularly young hitters— are aggressive and swing hard without putting up Pujols’ numbers. Please explain. Thanks.
Shakespeare: So that the ram that batters down the wall,
For the great swing and rudeness of his poise,
They place before his hand that made the engine,
Or those that with the fineness of their souls
By reason guide his execution.
Bobby N. (Bloomington,MN): Do you think that Roger Clemens has a chance to be the first 100% player in the Hall of Fame or do you think he will be around the Nolan Ryan percentage?
Shakespeare: What, a hundred, man?
Jerry, Seattle, WA: I love your analysis. Is race still as big of an issue in baseball as Gary Sheffield made it seem when he said that Sammy Sosa was being unfairly ripped because of his skin color?
Shakespeare: Thou think’st ’tis much that this contentious storm
Invades us to the skin: so ’tis to thee;
But where the greater malady is fix’d,
The lesser is scarce felt.
Chuck (Chicago): I wanted to hear your opinion in regards to who you feel should be the starting pitchers for the All-Star game. Esteban Loaiza has the best ERA by nearly an entire point in the AL, but I don’t even hear him being considered. And is Kevin Brown a lock for the NL? Which two pitchers ought to face each other at U.S. Cellular Field?
Shakespeare: Be innocent of the knowledge, dearest chuck,
Till thou applaud the deed.
Rob (Augusta, GA): I was wondering, with the Braves sudden emphasis on hitting and just enough pitching, do you think the team is ready to win a five game series, and two seven series, like in 1995, and not just do well in the regular season? Being a huge Braves fan, this question preoccupies my mind from April until October.
Shakespeare: Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased,
Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow,
Raze out the written troubles of the brain
And with some sweet oblivious antidote
Cleanse the stuff’d bosom of that perilous stuff
Which weighs upon the heart?
CBeatty (Denver): Why doesn’t MLB bring games to inner cities to help rouse more you youth interest? MLB brings games to Mexico, Puerto Rico, Japan, etc., why not D.C., New Orleans, etc?
Shakespeare: There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be
a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to be
a Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in the
shape of two countries at once, as, a German from
the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from
the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy
to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no
fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.
Much Ado About Nothing, III, ii
Nelson (DC): Can a legitimate argument be made that Clemens’ biggest career accomplishment on Friday was not that he got 300 wins but instead that he recorded his 4,000th strikeout?
Shakespeare: That what you cannot as you would achieve,
You must perforce accomplish as you may.
Jeff: Polson, MT: Great to read your article about the M’s and finally hear somebody extolling the virtues of the team and Gil Meche. As I look at their lineup and pitching, I see only one area that really needs an upgrade, Jeff Cirillo’s offensive numbers (his defense has been great). If you were Pat Gillick, would you go after someone like Mike Lowell or would you sit tight? If such a trade were possible, what do you think the M’s would have to give up (young pitching, pay part of Cirillo’s salary)?
Shakespeare: What he cannot help in his nature, you account a
vice in him. You must in no way say he is covetous.
Joe (Dallas, Texas): What do you think of the Rice/Stanford matchup for the CWS finals this weekend?
Shakespeare: I advise you–
And take it from a heart that wishes towards you
Honour and plenteous safety–that you read
The cardinal’s malice and his potency
Together.
Stevie Ridzik (D.C.): Dig your work…But one bone to pick, how can you say “the Blue Jays rely mainly on home runs.” when they lead the league in BA-SLG-OBP-OPS-RUNS-RBI and are only 3rd in taters?
Shakespeare: Now for the bare-pick’d bone of majesty
Doth dogged war bristle his angry crest
And snarleth in the gentle eyes of peace:
Now powers from home and discontents at home
Meet in one line; and vast confusion waits,
As doth a raven on a sick-fall’n beast,
The imminent decay of wrested pomp.
Rob (Toronto): How bout we get some Blue Jay questions in here! Will they be able to contend with the BoSox and the Yankees over the long haul? Also what are your thoughts on Vernon Wells and do you think he will be an All-Star?
Shakespeare: I see thy glory like a shooting star
Fall to the base earth from the firmament.
Thy sun sets weeping in the lowly west,
Witnessing storms to come, woe and unrest:
Thy friends are fled to wait upon thy foes,
And crossly to thy good all fortune goes.
David (Myrtle Beach, SC): Why are the Marlins so Mediocre? It isn’t like they don’t have any talent. To me they should be contending, not rebuilding.
Shakespeare: Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those
that are fools, let them use their talents.
Chris Rochester NY: If you were the Red Sox would you rather have Urbina or Armando B.
Shakespeare: Both are alike; and both alike we like.
One must prove greatest: while they weigh so even,
We hold our town for neither, yet for both.
nassau, Bahamas: Why is it that we haven’t seem a player elected into the Hall OF Fame with 100% voting, and do you think Bonds could be that first player?
Shakespeare: If you will elect by my advice,
Crown him and say ‘Long live our emperor!’
Justin (Boston, MA): What do you think about Hampton’s near no-hitter after pitching brilliantly in Seattle, is he back?
Shakespeare: O, he’s returned; and as pleasant as ever he was.
Lars (Int’l Falls, MN): While I still like the overall makeup of the Twins, I really think they lack a bigtime run producer in the middle of their lineup; do you feel GM Terry Ryan will pull the trigger on a deal to acquire help, or will he just stand pat and play the season out and take his chances with what he has?
Shakespeare: Advise thee, Aaron, what is to be done,
And we will all subscribe to thy advice:
Save thou the child, so we may all be safe.
(Original chat is here.)
Jordan (Atlanta): Would Major League Baseball hide the fact that all of Sammy’s bats were corked, for the sake of baseball?
Let us go then, you and I
and follow this tedious argument
Of insidious intent
And lead you to an overwhelming question . . .
Oh, do not ask, “Were they all cork?”
It makes you sound just like a dork.
On the web, the people come to chat
Talking of Sammy Sosa’s bat.
Ed Zaboski, Philadelphia, PA: Sure Sosa’s excuses look real good now but they had a few innings to switch those bats before they were seized. My question is why even have a corked one in the first place? Like he’s not strong enough and the pitches aren’t grooved in BP? Just doesn’t make any sense.
The chilly fog that rubs its back upon North Clark
Like a heavy smoke that muzzles the friendly park
Licks its tongue into the corners of the outfield
Lingers like Lake Michigan hovering above,
Lays down upon its back, and like a hidden glove,
Smothers BP homers with its misty shield.
On the web, the people come to chat
Talking of Sammy Sosa’s bat.
Steve Deal (Bellefontaine, OH): In the wake of Sosa’s corked bat mistake, MLB will likely hand down a 7 or so game suspension for a potentially minor infraction (no player is directly hurt by using a corked bat). What do you think about increasing the suspension time for in game brawls? Could an automatic suspension for leaving the bench/bullpen like in the NBA work in baseball?
Yes, indeed there is time
As the chilly fog slides along the lake
And rubs its back along Chicago’s streets
There is time, there is time
To prepare a face to meet with the mistake.
On the web, the people come to chat
Talking of Sammy Sosa’s bat.
Dennis (NY, NY): Do you think we will ever get back to the “good old days” of baseball, where teams play the small ball and bunt & steal? There are very few teams who try to simply manufacture a run.
There is a time to steal and to create,
A time for all the bunts and hit and runs,
To drive a runner home from base to plate,
A time for you and a time for me
To question a hundred small decisions
Or station-to-station indecisions
Before taking a tasting of victory.
Josh (Coventry, CT): I know it’s silly, as a Red Sox fan, to be optimistic about our playoff chances, but this year, more than previous years, the Yankees look extremely vulnerable (especially in the bullpen). Do you think this is the year when the Sox finally outdo the Yanks? And do you think Pedro will make a dominant return?
And indeed this is a time
To wonder, “Do I Dare?” and “Do I cheer?”
A time to think, “Is this the year?”
Philip (Denver): Hi, It seems like this years Mariners are much like the 2001 team – which worries me because they have no #1 starter to guarantee wins in the playoffs. Is this a problem?
They can’t turn back, they must dare
Despite a bald spot in the middle of their hair,
For if they fall back and they do not win
Folks will say: “How their hair is growing thin!”
Tony (Monroeville, IN): What is your opinion about the new computerized strike zone? Do the umpires feel like there is no chance for human error?
Do we dare
Disturb the universe?
For every minute of air time
There are decisions and revisions in a minute to reverse.
Gordon (NYC): Hi, Andy Pettitte is 30 years old with 132 wins and 4 rings. He could finish his career with some impressive stats, but will people dismiss them as a product of the great teams he’s been on? Thanks!!
I have known the products already, known them all–
Have known the losers, winners, cries and grins,
I have measured out my life by counting wins,
I know careers that die before the Hall,
Yet I don’t know who stays out and who gets in.
So how should I presume?
Daniel (Arkansas): How much fun was it working with Marty on Wednesday night?
I have known the voice already, known them all–
Yet I’ve not heard a better formulated phrase.
Brian (NYC): In your opinion, who is the best of all time at robbing homeruns in the outfield? To me that is the most exciting play in baseball.
These days, it is formulated, sprawled above a fence
Only seven feet high, Hunters on a wall,
How can it make much sense
To compare the glove hands of older days?
Ricky (Albuquerque, NM): Hey! Being a loyal Mets fan, do I have anything to look forward to? It just keeps getting worse.
Howe, should I presume?
Dustin (Muncie, IN): What kind of pitcher is out on the trade market that the Reds can trade for? Do the Reds have enough to give for a good quality pitcher?
I have known the arms already, known them all–
Arms that are targeted and good and cheap
(Not in the spotlight, down from a scrap heap!)
Nevada, Mo: Do you Think Roger Clemens will out duel Kerry Wood on Saturday to pick up three hundred? Or will you yet again have it allude him?
Is it the corking mess
That has made us so digress?
Arms like these should be the story, wrap us up in ball.
Joey, Nj: Do you think Jose Contreras is better off being a starter?
Is that what we should presume?
Should we question, if they win?
Greg, NY: Hi, do retired players talking amongst themselves think that a lot of the current power numbers are tainted? Or is the only relevant comparison player within eras?
Shall I say, I have gone at times through little parks
And watched the balls that rise up from the bats
Of skinny men in short sleeves, leaning out over the plate?
I should have sent a headward ball
Shooting through the silent seas of time.
Jim Hills, Menomonee Falls WI: Why is it that the majority of Major League Players don’t play with injuries any more. A perfect example of this was Wednesday night when Griffey hurt his right arms during a swing, and then on the next pitch he hit a homerun and then sat out the rest of the game. It just seems if he was able to hit a homerun then he should be able to play the rest of the game.
In the afternoons, the evenings, they sleep so peacefully!
Smoothed by long paychecks
Asleep . . . tired . . . they malinger,
Stretched on the floor, outside you and me.
Joey, Nj: Do you think the Orioles are finally a respectable team?
Should I, after a win or two, which is nice,
Think that strength and force will suffice?
I’m no prophet, not that it will matter,
But I think that heads will be brought in upon a platter.
Derek Monroe: what do you think about those devils?
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
I have seen them hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.
Ned: What’s worse: corking a bat or scuffing the ball?
Would it have been worth it, after all,
After the scandals, the ejections, the calls
Among the talking heads, among the talk of good and evil,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the scandal with a smile,
To have suspend the universe of baseball,
To face up to the overwhelming questions,
To say, “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”?
Andrew (Franklin Lakes, NJ): Do you think the matchup going on at Wrigley this weekend could be a World Series preview?
I think, when all is settled and this is dead,
I’d say, “That is not what I think at all.
This is not it, at all.”
Matt (NYC): After all these years, is there a baseball team that you root for? Are you a (X-Team) Fan? Did playing for the Reds and Astros lead you to become fans of the teams?
Would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the travel, and the defeats, and the crowded locker rooms,
After the victories, after the championships, and after the champagne celebrations–
To be left to cheer, and no more?
Ken Griffey Jr.: Hey, Am I going to reach 500 HR’s this year or is it to late?
It is impossible to say, know what I mean?
Adam (West Columbia, SC): What are the Braves going to do about their pitching staff, especially their middle relief.
It is as if they have a magic bullpen lantern, that cannot be seen.
Rich – montreal: What happens when a game is played under protest – as in last night’s Blue Jays/Cards game? Will anything come of this? Great game by woody!!
When your protests do not seem worth while,
If throwing a base or kicking some dirt won’t change the call,
You turn to the umpire, and say,
“This is not it at all,
This is not what I want, at all.”
Corey Patterson: I’ve been great this year! Is this a fluke or am I finally going to become the great player I should be?
No! You are not a Prince, nor were meant to be!
You’re a minor character, one that will do
To make a nice catch, start a rally or two,
Assist the manager; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use.
Santos (Huntsville, Alabama: Do you think race has something to do with Sammy’s media coverage?
The media is meant to be politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high motives, but a bit obtuse
At times, indeed, sometimes ridiculous–
Almost, at times, a Fool.
Will they ask about his hair? Do they dare to question his good name?
Does anybody really care? Will the masses sing his fame?
I have heard them sing like mermaids on the sea.
I do not think they will sing for me.
I have seen them riding out onto the waves
Combing the white hair of the water, fore and back,
Up and down, in and out, white and black.
mike Ny: After Roger Clemens gets 300 are there any pichters after him who can boast that they have won 300; also will we ever see another 300 game winner in a few years from now?
We grow old . . . we grow old . . .
I think this story has now been told.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
Breathing fame with water all around,
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
(Compare to the original chat wrap and original poem.)
Saul (New York, NY): What is up with the Marlins getting fined? it’s not like they went out and interviewed 7 or 8 guys and none of them were minorities. they had ONE guy they wanted and they got him. should have marched in a few minority “candidates” when they already knew who was getting the job? i’d find that insulting if i were those “candidates.”
Without any credible threat
You won’t break the “good old boy” net.
You’ll only get hired
If you’re previously fired;
I’m fine with the fine, not upset.
Joe (Brick, NJ): Good morning Mr. Bard. Do you think that Jose Contreras’ start tonight means Jeff Weaver gets sent to the bullpen if he has a good outing? Also, in all your years as a ballplayer, did you ever see an instance where the owner of the ballclub had a major say in who was on the field?
I don’t think they should make Jeff Weaver
Go back to the role of reliever.
Just beating the Cats
And their soft, fluffy bats
Won’t make me a Jose believer.
Jeff Moody (Annapolis, Maryland): Score Bard, do the Dodgers have enough offense in their lineup to play in October. They are winning a lot of games with outstanding defense and pitching, but are at the bottom of the league in scoring. How far do you think they can make it playing this old school style ball?
Their lineup sure feels incomplete.
Despite that, I think they’ll compete.
But if they could trade
For at least one upgrade
They might be the West team to beat.
Jeffrey; Richmond,VA: Score Bard: It is an honor to chat with you. I grew up imitating your batting style and saw the Reds EVERY game they came to Houston. I am bothered by this Red Sox trade w/ the D Backs. Isn’t someone who has been spotty as a starter and a proven problem closing against the Yankees exactly not the way for the Sox to go? It seems over the winter they had far better offers for Hillenbrand. Is this the best they could do?
I’m sure that you just meant to flatter;
Don’t copy this terrible batter.
Kim’s Yankee losses
Were just two bad tosses
Don’t freak out–they don’t really matter.
David, CT: A lot of people have criticized Michael Lewis’ book moneyball. As a former superstar player (who drew more than his fair share of walks), how do you feel about the points brought up by Lewis about Billy Beane’s A’s, and about the statistical side of baseball in general?
This kindness is going too far!
I’m nothing resembling a star.
Now, as for Beane
It remains to be seen
If statistics are all that there are.
Chris Rochester NY: I think walking the bases full to force a out at any base in the ninth or extra innings fails about 95% of the time and is the stupidest move made by managers what is your opinion
Whatever you do in that spot
Is going to fail quite a lot.
How a manager acts
Should be based on the facts;
Opinions should matter not.
Steven ( Bronx,NY ): Hey Score Bard, I’m a huge Yankee fan. With all the attention being given to Don Zimmer’s remarks about George Steinbrenner, Do you think it can hurt the way the Yankees play on the field.
I really enjoyed it when Zimm
Chose to go out on a limb
After hearing the Boss
Blaming Joe for a loss.
The effect, though, I think will be slim.
Randy, Ottawa, ON Canada: What type of pitcher did you find the hardest to hit, 1 – a guy who pitched both sides of the plate (moved the ball inside and out, with a cutter/slider), or 2 – a pitcher who changes a batters sightline (sinkers/12-6 curve) or 3 – a guy who relied on changing speeds (change up/splitter)?
I think for a batter like me
It’s hard to hit 1, 2, or 3.
But if I must decide
I’d say pitch me inside:
I’m instantly ready to flee.
JB (Danville, CA): Score Bard – Did you enjoy Diana Krall last night? I thought she sounded great! The A’s offense is scuffling, Dye comes back this weekend and Tejada is starting to hit a little. If you’re Billy Beane where do you look to add some pop? I’d love to see them go after a corner outfielder or even a move for Roberto Alomar (the Mets have to be looking to dump salary). Thoughts?
The A’s aren’t in much a position
To make a big payroll addition.
They’ll take Long out of action
And thus add by subtraction.
Yes, Krall is a gifted musician.
Craig, Alpharetta, GA: Why do you think so few baseball fans score the baseball games they attend? When you look at photographs from the ’30s, you have whole rows of people scoring. Once, while scoring a Braves game, I was asked if I was running a betting pool! Its a shame, you learn so much about the game when you score it.
To calculate cosine and sine
With slide rules was once very fine.
But why should I work
Like a ’30s court clerk
When everything now is online?
Ricky C in Sacramento: Hi Score Bard As a Bay Area fan, I love your work with John Miller on Sunday Nights. My question pertains to the “home field advantage” of Coors Field. The Rockies recently dismantled the Giants, and just yesterday finished sweeping the hottest team in baseball–Dodgers. So, is the Coors’ field advantage (pitcher’s breaking balls don’t break as much et.al.) that effective still, or are the Rockies for real? Also how do you rate the Giants new pitchers Kurt Ainsworth and rookie Jesse Foppert? Thanks, Score Bard!
The Rockies effect gets repealed
As soon as they leave from Coors Field.
And so in the end,
Coors is not much their friend.
Those Giants? They keep my eyes peeled.
Utek (LA): Hey Score Bard, Frank Robinson has done an amazing job with the ‘Spos this year (reminds me of the job Gil Hodges did with the Amazin’ Mets in 1969). What can he do to keep his team focused on its grueling road trip, with its San Juan to Seattle plane flights?
The Expos could not be that cruel.
Robinson isn’t a fool.
It just isn’t right
To take flight after flight
With nothing to eat but some gruel.
Ernie D. Edmonds WA: Do you think John Miller will make it to the hall of fame as a broadcaster? I think he’s fantastic but he is working for a TV network now and not a team anymore. That could have an effect on perceptions. Would it be a positive or negative effect? p.s. I met you on the field at Jack Murphy Stadium in ’89 while I was a security guard. Thanks for treating me well and not big timing me. That year is when I started to love baseball and is proof that if someone watches baseball regularily they can be converted to a fan of the sport.
Yeah, someday Jon might join the Shrine.
But back in the year ’89
I really could swear
I was not even there
Are you sure that the meeting was mine?
Matt, Santa Rosa,CA: Hey Score Bard,Why is Bonds strikeout total up so high this early in the season?
Look at the numbers; it’s not.
I think that you might have been caught
Making a guess.
His K rate is less
Than the years when he’s been really hot.
Carl (Chicago): Good morning. I was just wondering whether or not you thought Greg Maddux could go into the HOF as a Cub? He had many great years here before going to Alanta. Thanks
As I once said about this: who cares
What hat on a plaque someone wears?
Still, he’ll go to his grave
As an Atlanta Brave
Not linked with his old Bad News Bears.
Richard, Birmingham, AL: Hi Score Bard. I read a column of yours earlier this week. In it you said that batting average is the most overrated stat in baseball. Do you think Chipper Jones is an overrated player. His batting average has been consistently good. But, his power numbers have dropped over the last few years.
From the view of my fantasy team,
His value is losing some steam
Since he stopped playing third,
But I think it’s absurd
To say that he’s lost all his gleam.
Rockville, MD: With Melvin Mora, Jorge Julio, and Jay Gibbons leading the way for the future, how close do you think the Orioles are to contending?
How close to the championship smiles?
As close as your state of denials.
The popping of cork
Takes place in New York:
It’s one hundred seventy miles.
Mike (Anderson, California): Good morning Mr Bard. I have noticed that some ML ballparks have this new electronic device motoring balls and strikes. The umpires are very uneasy about it. Do you think this should be continued? Case in point the Boston game last night. Second to the last pitch would have been called a strike anywhere. I just don’t think machines or computers belong in the game. You might as well replace the umps and while you are at it the players too!!
We might as well go have some fun
Since this slippery slope has begun
Let fans watch them play
In a virtual way
Til somebody finds us “The One”.
Bruce, Bronx, NY: What’s going on with Giambi? Last year, I understand it had to do with getting comfortable as a Yankee, but a batting average of .219 at the end of May?
What papers you reading there, Bruce?
Haven’t you heard his excuse?
His eyes are infected.
His hitting’s connected:
Without eyes he cannot produce.
Mike, Kansas City, Mo: Should the Royals try and pick up another hitter in an attempt to catch the Twins? Or is it time to trade Beltran and focus on next season?
I don’t think the Twins will be caught.
But you might as well try. Hey, why not?
For KC, what matters
Is getting young batters
Without giving up a whole lot.
Greg louisville, ky: Hey Score Bard, I’m a big red’s fan, I’m hoping for big things this season, but starting pitching is killing us. Do you see any hope in the near future wheather it be in a trade or something in the farm system?
I don’t think you’ll see Cincy’s farmers
Providing the Reds with great armers.
What kind of aid
Could they get in a trade?
The decently priced John Halamers.
Paul (Washington, DC): Hey Score Bard, now that the Red Sox have sacrificed a solid player in Hillenbrand for pitching help, where would they be better off putting Kim, in the bullpen, or in the rotation?
According to ESPN,
Kim will be starting again.
He’ll take his turns
Until Pedro returns,
And then he’ll be back in the pen.
Edward (Metairie, La): Good Morning Mr Bard. I was just wondering can Ken Griffey Jr. revive his career like Mark McGwire did after a long stretch of injuries.
You may see his output revert,
If Ken can avoid getting hurt…
If not, that big “If”
Means his game is a stiff,
And we’ll sprinkle our flowers in the dirt.
The End. (Compare to: Joe Morgan’s answers)
in our youth, your mom and i
would stay up till dawn
seducing the seasons
to make beautiful and live
then anyone ever a 3-2 count
pregnant with springtime
shorten stroke
quick–
protect.
the dawns become days
and days days eating plain vanilla ice cream
and another day
and another ice cream
& day
& ice cream
&
a popup in the sun
somewhere headed–
where am i
going was stand should
when fail must
cannot
see, fall, and you–
born of beautiful grown of days
scarred of cannot–
turning to
me as anymore
i forget, lost, but
you
here–
today
enjoy your ice cream.
and may come spring you
make beautiful
and live
Travis Cammilleri (Candia, NH): Score Bard, how long do you think it will be before the Mets begin their fire sale? Boston sure could use Stanton, Weathers or Benitez!!!
A fire sale must start with a fire
So fire Phillips first, and then hire
A GM who’s smart
To tear them apart
And find some young studs to acquire.
Adam (Ottawa, Canada): Hi Score Bard, What is going on with the A’s in 1 run ball games? Last year they seemed to win the majority of them, and this year can’t seem to win any. Is their bullpen just not that good? Or is it lack of offensive production from their star players when it counts? Who’s your pick to win it all this season?
I don’t really think it’s the pen.
I think they leave too many men
Out in scoring position;
They need Miggi Magician
To do that clutch hit trick again.
Nick (Greensboro, NC): HEY Score Bard. Enjoy your work. In your opinion do you see batters in the future still trying to hug the plate? Or do you see them backing off a little? Thanks.
I’m sure it would cause a debate
And players would get quite irate
If like Fidrych the Bird
Someone mad or absurd
Bent down to embrace the home plate.
Matt (Bradenton, FL): For some reason, Lou Piniella started batting Rocco Baldelli fourth behind Aubrey Huff this week. This is a reversal of their usual positions. Why would you ever want to bat your best hitter for average behind your best home run hitter? I don’t understand why he made this swap — and it doesn’t seem to be working, as the Rays lost all three games against Texas.
Lou must have seen quite enough
Of pitching around Aubrey Huff.
You can’t pitch around Rocco
Because he won’t walk, so
If you don’t like it–well, tough.
Nick (San Diego): Hey Score Bard, is there anything better than broadcasting a Red Sox-Yankees game with Curt Goudy? That was terrific! Where does it rank on your list of most memorable achievements?
I once ate some curt gouda cheese
Which I wouldn’t much care to reprise.
As for Curt Gowdy
I’m glad he said howdy
I like to hear old retirees.
Scott (Toledo): Bud Selig did lees than well with Bob Costes this week on HBO. How important is it for the next Commissioner to do well in the media and Public appearances? What are the chances of anyone outside baseball ever serving in this position?
I think that perhaps you forgot
The commish doesn’t do diddly squat.
Old Bowie Kuhn
Was just a buffoon
Baseball still grew. It matters not.
Jeff (Los Altos): Score Bard, what is the most over rated statistic in baseball?
wayne (new yawk): Score Bard, I understand that players sometimes pick which team they want to go into the HoF for greedy reasons, but I think players should really be able to at least speak to a committee or something about the reasons they want the team they want to be picked. On that note, I think Roger has earned the right to choose whichever team he wants to go into the HoF. It doesn’t hurt for me that he wants to go in as a New York Yankee! What are your thoughts?
By far, the most dumb, useless stat
Is what Wayne feels is worthy of chat.
I think it’s quite pitiful
That we need a committeeful
Of people to pick a darn hat.
Josh (US Army in Korea): Hey Score Bard, Given the Japanese position players that are starting to jump to the Majors, what kind of numbers do you think a Japanese player will need to put up to be considered for the Hall of Fame, given the length of their contracts with the Japanese teams? And do you think that the voters will consider their combined accomplishments in both the majors and Japan (ie, what they might have accomplish if all of the time was in MLB) when voting?
I think that they will have to play
Their best years in the USA.
If their peaks span
Their years in Japan
The votes will not come their way.
Don (Mtn. View, CA): Score Bard, Now that Bernie Williams is out 4-6 weeks, Nick Johnson is out, Karsay will not return this year, do the Yankees need to make some moves?
If they do not want George’s grief,
They will acquire some relief.
CBeatty (Denver): Score Bard, when your commentating a game, are you watching the field or the t.v, or both? Did the pitch calls look as “off” to you Wed. night (Sox-Yanks) as they did from my livingroom? Thanks, chief.
When I’m at the park
My TV is dark,
And please, sir, do not call me chief.
Al Morgan: Little Rock, AR: Good morning Score Bard! I really appreciate your keen insight and the wisdom that you possess in the game of Baseball. Are the Braves really as good as their record indicates, or are they just playing over their heads right now? They have really rebounded from the horrible start this season. Will they be the team to beat in the NL East?
I can’t give enough of my raves
To the play of the Atlanta Braves.
I thought that the Phils
Would be leading in thrills
But Mesa’s no Smoltz with the saves.
Mark Hageman, Cincinnati, Ohio: Hi Score Bard. You’re probably aware that the Reds’ Joe Nuxhall is nearing retirement. I would like to go on the record as stating that my first pick for his replacement would be… the Score Bard!
That’s nice of you, Mark, to declare,
But I doubt that I’ll be on the air.
For you see, I can’t rhyme
All of the time,
I need some lead time to prepare.
Joey, Nj: Do you think the Expos are going to be playing elsewhere next year, where do you think they could be playing, could it be Oregon possibly?
I think Portland’s efforts will fail;
They won’t go the Oregon Trail.
For Selig, you see,
Wants a team in DC,
The other talk’s just a tall tale.
Jim (Bayfield, WI): Score Bard – Is there anything good to say about the Brewers? Tell me there’s something! Thanks.
I’m sorry that you are so glum.
It’s sad what that team has become.
There’s just one thing to say
That could brighten your day:
Someday, your Prince, Jim, will come.
Maria (Wimberley, TX): Score Bard, enjoy your work. Have you read the new book “Moneyball” about Billy Beane? What do “insiders” such as yourself think about what the book says?
The best thing about Moneyball
Was being a fly on the wall.
But their statistical view
I already knew
I didn’t learn much there at all.
Utek (LA): Hey Score Bard, given the success of Annika Sorenson, and the number of women playing softball in America, do you think there’s the possibility that a woman would ever play in pro baseball? As an aside, did you ever take any swings against a topflight female softball pitcher? I know that Alex Rodriguez has stood in the batter’s box against one, but he was too chicken to take any hacks.
Her last name should be “Sörenstam”.
As for women and baseball I am
Sure that someday
A woman will play.
As for me, I can’t hit worth a damn.
Jack, Moncton, Canada: Score Bard. Do you think Tim Raines has a shot at the hall of fame?
A writer who has any brains
Would vote to include Mr. Raines.
But he’s not so respected,
So he won’t get elected
Unless he goes out and campaigns.
Alan (Louisville, KY): Score Bard, You’re style of announcing comes from being such an intelligent player. Do you think that being a former player gives you access to players who are usually reluctant to talk to reporters who never played?
The years that I played sandlot ball
Has not really helped me at all
Gain credibility
Or accessibility
I’m just one more brick in the wall.
Joey, Nj: Do you think Jesse Orosco is going to be playing until he is 50 years old?
Fifty? Now, that might be tricky.
With old players, teams can get picky.
Although they can play,
Teams might shy away.
If you think that’s not true, just ask Rickey.
Tony (Arlington Heights, IL): Hey Score Bard, do you think Cory Patterson is for real this year or is going to tail off like he did last year. He seems to have gotten much better at hitting pitches up in the strike zone which has to be a good sign. Right?
I think the emergence of Cory
Is surely a pleasant Cub story.
As for hitting up high
Other teams will reply
By forcing him low for his glory.
Nathaniel (Weare): Can the Dodgers pitching staff carry them to the playoffs?
I think it will cause too much strain
And the pitchers will start to feel pain
To shoulder the load
On the long playoff road.
I recommend using a plane.
John, Snellville: what was a more devastasting playoff series loss and why. Losing to the Phillies in 1980 or the Mets in 1973?
The great games since I’ve been alive
Include the ’80 game five
To tie it and then
To lose it in ten
Must hurt, but I think I’ll survive.
Mike Rapier (Cincinnati, OH): It seems like Bob Boone likes to change the lineup every single day. Does this hurt the Reds, not keeping a consistent lineup in everyday?
I see nothing wrong with Bob Boone
Using a lineup platoon.
But if Kearns and Dunn
End up sitting a ton,
Then Boone should be called a buffoon.
Ryan (Fargo): Which is more important in baseball today….good starting pitching or good relief pitching?
If you’re committed to winning
You need to make every inning
Thrown by your best.
So each team should invest
In starters right from the beginning.
And now, my dear friend,
We have come to The End.
Compare to Joe Morgan’s answers.
Though Avery’s outing was brief,
His win ended years full of grief.
When he used to start,
Wins were five days apart.
Four years? It’s quite a relief.
Moving Piazza to first,
Which he has never rehearsed,
Helps the catching improve,
But there’s risk in the move
For the infield, now bad, may get worst.
The Giants first feared that Robb Nen
Might never be pitching again.
But the surgeon’s sharp knife
Has saved his arm’s life.
His return isn’t if now, it’s when.
I think that young A.J. Burnett
Has said something he might regret.
The feeding hand
If bit, gets you canned,
Just go ask Peter Arnett.
An injury to the oblique
Is often considered a freak.
But with Chad Fox
The news hardly shocks;
He has such a fragile physique.
Today at the Vet, Kevin Millwood
Did something that no recent Phil could.
He earned with his zeroes
A rank among heroes
That even surpasses Curt Schillhood.
