The Score Bard imitates Emily Litella
It’s baseball players who I’ve come to speak
About today: these greedy, spoiled, and vain
Young, bratty millionaires who just complain
And cry if they don’t get the cash they seek,
With artificially enhanced physiques
From steroid use that gives them bulgy eyes
And hairy backs and arms the size of thighs–
Who wants to pay to see these monstrous freaks?
Not me! And now I hear one team has streaked
For twenty games! This has gone way too far!
Just think of all the children this will scar:
Young fans who might have accidentally peeked
At full frontals flashing and bare behinds
Of freaks who… What? Oh, sorry. Never mind.