The Score Bard imitates Emily Litella

It’s baseball players who I’ve come to speak

About today: these greedy, spoiled, and vain

Young, bratty millionaires who just complain

And cry if they don’t get the cash they seek,

With artificially enhanced physiques

From steroid use that gives them bulgy eyes

And hairy backs and arms the size of thighs–

Who wants to pay to see these monstrous freaks?

Not me! And now I hear one team has streaked

For twenty games! This has gone way too far!

Just think of all the children this will scar:

Young fans who might have accidentally peeked

At full frontals flashing and bare behinds

Of freaks who… What? Oh, sorry. Never mind.