The A’s are doomed. The Red Sox are gonna win this series. The Curse of the Buck strikes again.

Every time the A’s have lost a postseason series since 1988, somebody named “Buck” has broadcast at least one game of the series. 1988 and 1990 World Series: Jack Buck. 1992 ALCS: Buck Martinez. 2000 and 2001 ALDS: Joe Buck. 2002 ALDS: Buck Martinez.

No Bucks broadcast the 1988 ALCS or the any of the 1989 playoffs, when the A’s won the World Series.

The only exception is the 1990 ALCS, which the A’s won, where I assume Buck Martinez was calling it for some Canadian outlet, but I haven’t been able to confirm that information.

Anyway, I just found out that calling this series for ESPN Radio will be: Buck Martinez. Aaaaaagh!

I think it’s a conspiracy. The networks dream of having the Red Sox and Yankees play each other. So to ensure they get it, they simply say “Buck you, Oakland!”

Perhaps we can buck this curse. Do not listen to the ESPN Radio broadcast, no matter what. If you’re at the game, do not look at Buck Martinez for any reason. Avoid him like a vampire avoids the sun. Don’t even look up towards the broadcast booth, for you might accidentally see him. If a Buck calls a game and nobody listens, does it make a sound?

Of course, the Red Sox have their own curses. Is Bucky Dent a curse? Are both teams therefore bucked? What happens when curses collide? Which curse is stronger, the Buck or the Bambino? Perhaps it will end up as Billy Beane said in the Chronicle this morning: “Like ‘Rock’em Sock’em Robots,’ where both heads pop off at the same time and no one can continue.”

Either that, or someone will somehow manage to buck their curse. Does the buck stop here? I would like nothing more than to wake the networks from their dreams and tell them and their curse to go buck themselves: “Buck, your time has come! It’s the A’s vs. the Twins! Buck off!”

The first round of playoffs begins
With the Yanks playing host to the Twins.
If Minnesota can score
This one won’t be a bore,
But if not, New York easily wins.

If the Marlins decide to omit
The chance to let Barry Bonds hit
They will still, in my mind,
Need somehow to find
A way to defeat Jason Schmidt.

Atlanta postseason? Ho hum.
Their presence is making me numb.
The Cubs! Holy Cow!
In the playoffs! Oh, wow!
Let’s hope Dusty won’t do something dumb.

If Hudson and Zito and Foulke
Get beat up by Manny’s big stroulke,
Oakland cries yet more tears
Having lost four straight years,
Unless Boston finds new ways to choulke.

No one, from what I can see,
Deserves the AL MVP.
It seems, although I’m not sure why,
That losing teams need not apply,
And when we look at winning teams,
No one had a Year of Dreams.
So let’s default to second place,
And say that A-Rod won the race.

I hate the playoffs while the A’s are involved. I want them to win so bad, that I get only a minor sense of relief if they win, and extreme disappointment if they lose. I actually enjoy the playoffs more when the A’s aren’t in it.

I also hate going to games against the Red Sox or Yankees. I hate it because I hate being surrounded by obnoxious fans who think they own the place. For that reason alone, I really don’t want the Red Sox or the Yankees to win the pennant.

So I’m trying to envision these playoffs unfolding, and I keep thinking about playing the Red Sox, and then possibly the Yankees, and then possibly the Giants (whom I would also hate losing to, because they have every advantage over the A’s except World Series championships, and being the jealous guy that I am, I want it to stay that way).

The thing is, that even if the A’s win the World Series this year, I’m probably not going to enjoy any of it while it is happening; I’ll be too nervous. They only way I will be able to enjoy it is in retrospect. Perhaps I should just do as Billy Beane does: don’t watch it until it’s over. I’d save myself quite a bit of money in playoff tickets.

Does anyone else ever feel that way, or am I just nuts?

Dry brown leaves cluster
beneath the barren branches
of a fruitless tree.

Empty plastic cups,
hot dog wrappers, peanut shells:
waste of a season.

He heard something pop in his wrist. This could be a serious blow for the A’s. Not only for losing Guillen, but for getting Terrence Long again. If Guillen is out for the year, forget what I said about being optimistic about our offense in the playoffs.

Meanwhile, Long was complaining that Ken Macha didn’t explain to him why he’s been sitting lately. “I feel like they feel they don’t need me to win.”

Well, duh.

Macha’s reply: “Too bad. He’s 2 for his last 19. I’m sticking to what I always say – if you give good at-bats and hustle all the time, that’s what you’ve got to do. Our focus should not be on who’s in the lineup but on winning these games.”

The jury’s still out on how good a manager Macha is, but I like him just for statements like that.

The sweet swing of Pujols
has very very few holes,
but the big bat of Barry
is the most very very.

When Manny Ramirez got sick,
He wouldn’t go swing his big stick,
And then he ignored
The mad media horde;
Is it his head or his skin that is thick?

Military spending causes Japan anxiety.
It’s “nothing short of humbug in adult society.”

In the NL,
is Willis, Dontrelle.
Cabrera, Miguel
is a Marlin, as well.
Reyes, Jose
as well as Seo, Jae
plus Wigginton, Ty
are each a Met guy
but are not outpacin’
their mate Phillips, Jason.
Montreal has Day, Zach
who got hurt but came bach
and Vargas, Claudio
whom I also applaudio.
The strikeout/walk ratio
of Ramirez, Horatio
does not really sway
like the Brave Hodges, Trey.
St. Lou got to know
the surprising Hart, Bo.
Podsednik, Scott
has really been hot.
The flying Byrd, Marlon
Is the Phillies’ young darlon.
Not much could prepariome
for Robertson, Jeriome
who along with Lidge, Brad
make Houston not bad.
Williams, Jerome
makes Pac Bell his home,
as does Foppert, Jesse
who is sometimes impresse.
But I cannot abandon
my choice of Webb, Brandon.

The AL could pitch
arms like Harden, Rich.
Another to like
Was MacDougal, Mike.
A good future’s facin’
the Tribe’s Davis, Jason.
Don’t bet a casino
against Lopez, Aquilino.
You can take a good chance
on young Carter, Lance.
And Soriano, Rafael
also threw really well.
Two words for a Yankee:
Rodriguez, Frankie.
Teixeira, Mark,
hit balls out of the park,
while Baldelli, Rocco
also showed socko.
Detroit’s Munson, Eric,
could make balls atmospheric,
while his mate Monroe, Craig
is a real powderkeg,
like the Tribe’s Gerut, Jody
whose bat is explody.
And they’re thankful to have his
young friend Hafner, Travis.
But in the AL
I pick Berroa, Angel
who wins neck-and-necky
over Matsui, Hideki.