I have a confession to make. I’m actually starting to enjoy some of the spam I get now. As spam gets closer and closer to real human writing to fool the spam filters, it’s starting to fool me, too. I’ve already written one poem using spam as a model.

Here’s the text content of a spam email I got today. It sounds like a poorly translated confessional poem:

That could well be the answer. I’m cold, you said, staring at the continuation we had to feel through yesterday. (Things were looking worse.) I’d thought it was sad to hate the forest the way she’d done.

A house full of condiments and no food. He wanted to know more. What is the answer? (I’m loving the way you walk with me so quietly, contentedly.)

I can never describe the walk back to my truck. Love what you do and do what you love And for ten minutes, he was a hero. It was time…

(I’m loving the way you walk with me so quietly, contentedly.) Can you tell me the answer? she asked. I’m evil. The same thing we do every night, he replied. A house full of condiments and no food.

This cracked me up. Which leads me to a question: would spam be any less evil if it actually contained messages with some artistic merit?

Hmm…I wonder if I could sell my Random Diamond Note Generator technology to a spammer? Imagine getting spam like this:

Many fans are betting that the Phillies will shift Jimmy Rollins to another position, perhaps second base, but that could change if Marlon Byrd consolidates his debt more quickly than expected, or if Todd Pratt, who, after receiving new medication, can finally learn to hit a changeup, which he is practicing to do off of satellite TV images of Eric Milton and Billy Wagner throwing batting practice.

On second thought, never mind…