Names! We’ve got names!
And for all the steroid claims,
Let us go and cast our blame!
They’ve been blemishing our game!
They brought baseball so much shame!
Let us burn them down in flame!
Let’s take Sheffield and take Bonds
And go throw them into ponds
To see if they will drown!
Or maybe run them out of town
And then hunt them west and east,
Like a scary, vicious beast
Or an evil undead zombie!
Let us hound this vile Giambi!
Let us villify Velarde
Who would imitate Joe Hardy
To secure a higher level
And sell his soul off to the devil.
Santiago and Benard
Should be made to suffer hard
All feathered and all tarred
Their careers forever marred
For the image that they scarred,
For their blatant disregard
Of baseball’s hallowed yards,
Let us torch their baseball cards
‘Til all that’s left is charred,
Just charcoal, dust and ash.
Throw these people in the trash,
And then–

And then?

We’ll be positively sure
That baseball will be pure.
Forever.

Blissful–
This will
never

occur
again.