OGIC suggests using “Spotless Mind” technology to erase painful sports memories.

It’s a great idea. I think I’d begin by forgetting about last night. In fact, I think I’d just go ahead and erase from my mind the whole concept of the New York Yankees.

The 1988 and 1990 World Series? Didn’t happen. ALDS Game 5? What’s that? Artificial turf? Never heard of it. And what’s a Bud Selig?

Come to think of it, maybe someone already used this technique to erase the concept of “touching home plate” in the minds of some recent A’s players. Is erasing someone else’s memories a crime?

Perhaps, but if I had the chance, I’d risk jail time to enter Ray Fosse’s brain and erase the word “especially”. How much would I love to eliminate that annoyance, especially since Fosse uses especially so much, especially to create long, meandering, Faulknerian-length run-on sentences, when making an argument, and especially when he’s asking interview questions, especially since I end up listening to him over 100 times a year, on radio, and especially, on TV?

The technology isn’t real, but maybe I could use some psychological tricks to create the same effect. I’ll just build a lockbox in my brain, put these bad things in there, and throw away the key. If these things come up in conversation, I’ll just ignore them, like I can’t even recognize what the heck it is. They will bounce off me like bullets off Superman.

I feel happier already. :)