In Oakland, the new billionaire in
The owner’s box won’t put a scare in
The other teams’ eyes
Like the two traded guys.
Nor will Blanton or Meyer or Haren.

Beane set his old team ablaze.
Now last place belongs to the A’s.
When each rookie tanks
They’re less like the Yanks
And more like poor Royals or Rays.

 
Angeles Angelheim Los?
Well, Arte Moreno’s the boss.
He’ll start a new era
With Finley, Cabrera;
Not Percival, Eckstein, or Glaus.

Although they’re the team to be watched,
I predict that their year will be botched.
It may sound absurd,
But they’ll finish third
‘Cause first base is Darrened, not Kotched.

 
The Mariners’ staff lacks an ace.
I fear that they’ll fall off the pace
‘Til Felix the King
Readies his wing
And brings them back into the race.

Until that time, Beltre and Sexson
Will be raking the Mariners’ checks in.
These powerful swingers
Will hit lots of dingers
But less than the team that is Texan.

 
So now it is time to declare a
Completely new AL West era
Where Texas is ruling.
Am I April Fooling
With Blalock and Young and Teixeira?

Lying is simply immoral.
No one should have any quarrel
With Arlington’s bats,
And a pitching staff that’s
Led by the wisdom of Orel.