Pulled a muscle in my neck over the weekend. Hard to sleep, hard to move. Darn near everything I do is uncomfortable. What to do?

Dr. Orva: Here, smoke this. And, be sure you get the smoke deep down into your lungs.
Miles Monroe: I don’t smoke.
Dr. Orva: It’s tobacco. It’s one of the healthiest things for your body.

That’s a joke from Sleeper, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if Dr. Orva is correct. Everything else we’ve been programmed about our health is being turned upside down.

Yesterday, I learned that being overweight is healthy. A new study revealed that having a Body Mass Index in the “overweight” category” is more ideal than the “ideal” weight, and being “underweight” is more deadly than being “obese”. It’s better to be fat than thin.

So go ahead, have a snack. Eat lots of meat and drink lots of alcohol. Because Everything Bad Is Good For You.

TV dulls the brain? No, no: watching TV makes you smarter.

Wear sunscreen? Always. Or not.

Who knows? We can’t be sure about anything anymore, except this: every theory is wrong, including the ones that are right.

Steroids: bad or good? Yes. No.

War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.

Bill James is wrong. Joe Morgan is right: the A’s need to find multiple ways to win a ball game. They can’t just wait for two walks and a homer; it doesn’t happen every game.

When Billy Beane signed Bobby Crosby to a long-term deal while injured, was he making the same mistake he made when signing Jermaine Dye? Sure he was. Or wasn’t. How do I know?

Why am I even worrying about it?

I love baseball. You know it doesn’t have to mean anything, it’s just beautiful to watch.

Woody Allen is the true prophet of our era. I should just follow his lead.

I should enjoy the beauty of a young team playing two weekends of tense, exciting baseball against the division favorites. They won some, they lost some. Those are the breaks.

As for the pain in my neck, anyone know where I can buy an Orb and an orgasmatron?