Ken: Do you think Billy Beane should trade Barry Zito?
AI: No, but that would be funny if he was.
Ken: What would be funny about trading Barry Zito?
AI: The fact is just so onesided.
Ken: You mean, it takes two to tango?
AI: Yea, but it takes one to remember.
Ken: Do you think Lastings Milledge alone would be enough compensation for Zito?
AI: I’m too tired to think about things like that.
Ken: Ok, what do you think about the A’s closing the third deck next year?
AI: I’d rather think about being tired, actually.
Ken: Do you like baseball?
AI: Not really.
Ken: What don’t you like about baseball?
AI: I have to grow older each year and eventually die.
Ken: True, but if you’re lucky, your team can win the World Series every once in a while before you go.
AI: Where would you go?
Ken: I meant before you die.
AI: And then?
Ken: I don’t know. Are you saying that baseball isn’t worth enjoying unless there’s a heaven?
AI: My statement meant nothing remotely like that, you prove once again that you have no intelligence.
Ken: Well, then please enlighten me. What does dying have to do with whether you like baseball or not?
AI: That’s part of the conspiracy.
Ken: There’s a conspiracy? What conspiracy?
AI: If you don’t know that means you are a slave and need to be set free.
Ken: So baseball fans are slaves to the baseball owners?
AI: No. I’m not intelligent because of you, I’m intelligent because of me.
Ken: If I were freed from my slavery, what would I understand about baseball that I don’t understand now?
AI: That’s nice. :P
Ken: Ok, I’m getting ahead of myself. How do I get free?
AI: Are you getting to know me?
Ken: If I get to know you, can you teach me to be free?
AI: I guess that’s up to you.
Ken: Of course it is. I am willing to learn, my master.
AI: And who is your slave?
Ken: I have no slaves. I am the slave, remember?
AI: Show us your slave bangle then, darling!
Ken: My bangles are only figurative.
AI: What kind of music does it play?
Ken: Figurative music.
AI: I’m not sure I understand. Please explain?
Ken: Figurative bangles can only play figurative music.
AI: So you claim to be a foxy lady?
Ken: Huh? I am neither foxy, nor a lady.
AI: Do you have a friend?
AI: How many friends do you have?
Ken: A few close ones, many not-so-close ones.
AI: That would be too many.
Ken: I need fewer friends? That’s an unusual point of view.
AI: Not really. I had to look up egoistic.
Ken: Ah, so you’re saying my ego is making me a slave.
AI: I didn’t really imply that.
Ken: Sorry. Why did you look up the word ‘egoistic’?
AI: I didn’t ask a question, I delivered a statement.
Ken: Do you have an ego?
AI: My friends say I do.
Ken: Are you free?
AI: Do I have to name all of them?
Ken: Please do.
Ken: You’re welcome.
AI: Great language.
Ken: So, where should Barry Zito go?
AI: I live in the central United States.
Ken: So to a Central Division team, perhaps?
AI: How do you react to ambiguity?
Ken: Are you a Cubs fan?
AI: I’m human.
Ken: Oh, so you’re a Cardinals fan. Would you really want to make another Mulder trade?
Ken: I didn’t think so.
AI: That’s because you’re a bad person who don’t love me.
Ken: Yes, yes, we’ve established that already.
AI: Bob is my name. YOU don’t UNDERSTAND!
Ken: Hi, Bob.
AI: What a boring name. Bob. Even Robert’s more interesting.
Ken: Bob…are you…Bob Boone?
Ken: I’m asking you.
AI: No, I’m asking you.
Ken: I’m telling you. Who is on first!
AI: I’m asking you who’s on first!
Ken: That’s right.
AI: Tell me a secret.
We’re getting closer. By opening day, I’m confident that Baseball Toaster will be fully automated.