If you look at the offseason activity of the two World Series teams, you’d think it was the Astros who had An Overfed Nine. The winning White Sox will be a different team in 2006. The losing Astros? You will definitely Recognize Them. The Juice Box will be like Norm’s Beer Gang, where everybody knows your name.
The biggest Astros headline is this: Has the Darn Backbone of the rotation Averted Team? They need to Merger Clones, because without their ace, they’re going to have some Arm Battles. They have A Foul Pipeline of minor league talent, and whether one of the youngsters can step in and produce anything equivalent to Two Royals is something of a Riddle Bag.
The other issue is whether Jeb Flew Flag for the last time. Tensions Prowl between Jeb and the Astros, who want to collect the insurance on his salary. But that’s something for the Vital Lawyers to work out.
40-man roster:
| Pitchers | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| — | A Foul Pipeline | R/R | 6-2 | 180 | 10/05/83 |
| 64 | An Overfed Nine | R/R | 6-0 | 195 | 07/15/82 |
| — | Arm Battles | L/R | 6-0 | 205 | 01/20/83 |
| 62 | Arm Clerk Memo | L/L | 6-2 | 220 | 10/09/80 |
| 39 | Bozo Rally Hutch | R/R | 6-4 | 220 | 10/13/81 |
| 41 | Darn Backbone | R/R | 6-0 | 180 | 04/05/78 |
| 38 | Equate Socialize | R/R | 6-3 | 150 | 11/04/79 |
| — | Harsh Joins | R/R | 6-8 | 250 | 02/20/82 |
| — | Jeers The Marimba | R/R | 6-4 | 210 | 01/06/84 |
| 45 | Kill Omega | L/L | 6-0 | 175 | 04/02/77 |
| 51 | Nude Wizard Orgy | S/L | 5-11 | 160 | 01/18/79 |
| 54 | Riddle Bag | R/R | 6-5 | 210 | 12/23/76 |
| 36 | Signs Purrers | R/R | 6-4 | 215 | 11/07/68 |
| 21 | Tainted Petty | L/L | 6-5 | 225 | 06/15/72 |
| 44 | Two Royals | R/R | 6-0 | 185 | 08/29/77 |
| — | Trim Reveller | R/L | 6-3 | 200 | 05/29/73 |
| 50 | UCLA Had SQL | R/R | 6-5 | 220 | 08/17/78 |
| 35 | Wee Handler | R/R | 6-3 | 220 | 12/10/77 |
| 71 | Zanier Jet Guru | R/R | 6-3 | 200 | 07/14/83 |
| Catchers | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 46 | Halve A Cruz | R/R | 5-11 | 215 | 03/18/73 |
| 11 | Marauds Bus | R/R | 5-11 | 190 | 04/14/69 |
| 70 | Recognize Them | S/R | 5-10 | 180 | 09/28/82 |
| 9 | Tourniquet Hombre | R/R | 5-9 | 215 | 08/02/79 |
| Infielders | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 28 | Averted Team | R/R | 6-0 | 170 | 02/05/77 |
| 2 | Crush Biker | R/R | 5-11 | 180 | 03/11/80 |
| 7 | Big Cairo Gig | R/R | 5-11 | 185 | 12/14/65 |
| 5 | Jeb Flew Flag | R/R | 6-0 | 215 | 05/27/68 |
| 26 | Mime Balk | L/R | 6-1 | 190 | 08/09/75 |
| 14 | Norm’s Beer Gang | R/R | 6-2 | 210 | 08/26/75 |
| 4 | Reticent Blurt | R/R | 6-0 | 190 | 03/29/78 |
| Outfielders | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 17 | Clank Beer Man | S/L | 6-1 | 220 | 02/10/76 |
| — | Do Shorn Jeans | L/R | 6-2 | 195 | 08/10/82 |
| 19 | Leopard Monorail | L/L | 5-11 | 180 | 01/19/69 |
| 16 | Loan Jeans | R/L | 6-2 | 220 | 12/22/76 |
| 52 | Ninth Major Closer | R/R | 6-3 | 210 | 09/22/79 |
| 23 | Tensions Prowl | R/R | 6-2 | 215 | 07/19/74 |
| 30 | Totes Luck | L/R | 6-0 | 210 | 06/25/78 |
| 1 | Vital Lawyers | R/R | 6-0 | 160 | 12/25/81 |
1. I can't decide which I like better - Tainted Petty, Vital Lawyers, or Big Cairo Gig.
These are fantastic - can't wait to see what you do for the Yanks.
2. Woah, so it was Crush Biker that took Jeff Kent's roster spot? NICE!
#17 most definitely looks like a Clank Beer Man