In the green fields of Western Pennsylvania, beyond the Duck Haze, there lives an endangered species called the Buc Fan. Not only has the Buc Fan’s beautiful habitat shrunk like that of the Northern Zebra Doe, but the insidiously attractive Steeler Candy Ruled the attention of every environmentalist in the area. Unless we put our Angry Gloves On and Join The Monks, apathy and neglect will soon cause the Buc Fan to suffer the same fate as the Rooster Salmon, the Tall Boring Bunny, and the Ailing Crows: extinction.
Sorry, I thought I was David Attenborough for a second there. Ha, Wrong Job. PNC Park may have the Coolest Jails and a really Cute Bathroom for relieving your Red Bladder, but there’s No Pony Urinal. It’s a ballpark, not a zoo.
For My Duration, I shall discuss the Pittsburgh All Nines. The good news is that there seem to be a number of good young arms on the way. But the hitters: can you Say Banjo?
To his credit, the Pittsburgh GM did not trade away any of those good young arms in attempting to Lay His Banjos down, but I don’t want to Defend Shy Czar, either. He doesn’t seem to have the Mental Touch to put together a contender. If you don’t give up any coin, you can get neither a diamond Nor A Jade in return. This Acne Essay to improve the Buc offense– It’s Cranberry Gas. A team full of Neat Bunters will only produce the Same Matador offense Pirate Fans have suffered with for years.
40-man roster:
| Pitchers | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 53 | All Nines | R/R | 5-11 | 180 | 10/30/81 |
| 22 | Angry Gloves On | R/R | 6-3 | 210 | 07/22/77 |
| 52 | Cotton Visas | R/R | 6-3 | 190 | 10/02/76 |
| 57 | Duck Haze | L/L | 6-2 | 210 | 04/19/83 |
| 59 | Evil Rep Zero | L/L | 6-2 | 200 | 08/15/81 |
| 39 | Ha, Wrong Job | L/L | 6-1 | 210 | 11/04/78 |
| 37 | Join The Monks | L/L | 6-2 | 225 | 03/30/79 |
| 51 | Ken Gizmo Zeal | R/L | 6-1 | 205 | 05/23/78 |
| 54 | Lay His Banjos | R/R | 6-2 | 210 | 08/13/80 |
| 61 | My Gonzo Antler | L/L | 6-2 | 205 | 07/12/82 |
| 18 | Neat Bunters | L/L | 6-0 | 190 | 09/17/82 |
| 47 | Non-Stench Job Haven | R/R | 6-4 | 215 | 04/14/80 |
| 34 | Northern Zebra Doe | R/R | 6-4 | 250 | 11/11/64 |
| 28 | Oh, Pull Mama | L/L | 6-2 | 225 | 06/25/82 |
| 16 | Rooster Salmon | R/R | 5-11 | 210 | 03/11/72 |
| 43 | Same Matador | L/L | 6-2 | 205 | 02/14/75 |
| 32 | Skip Well | R/R | 6-3 | 205 | 04/21/77 |
| 44 | Splash Her Joss | R/R | 6-5 | 235 | 01/26/81 |
| 55 | Stamp Pact | R/R | 6-3 | 240 | 09/03/83 |
| 46 | Tall Boring Bunny | R/R | 6-4 | 220 | 09/30/80 |
| Catchers | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 11 | Cute Bathroom | R/R | 6-0 | 195 | 02/07/79 |
| 41 | My Duration | S/R | 6-0 | 200 | 04/03/81 |
| 56 | No Pony Urinal | R/R | 6-3 | 235 | 04/21/81 |
| Infielders | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 25 | Acne Essay | L/R | 6-4 | 235 | 07/02/74 |
| 14 | Coolest Jails | R/R | 6-1 | 200 | 03/19/81 |
| 12 | Defend Shy Czar | R/R | 5-10 | 190 | 12/21/77 |
| 7 | I Just Eat Boas | R/R | 6-0 | 190 | 10/19/80 |
| 3 | It’s Cranberry Gas | R/R | 6-0 | 180 | 03/08/82 |
| 2 | Licks No Jaw | R/R | 6-0 | 205 | 12/29/77 |
| 5 | Nor A Jade | R/R | 5-11 | 190 | 12/18/69 |
| 35 | Red Bladder | R/R | 6-5 | 270 | 07/12/80 |
| 7 | Steeler Candy Lured | R/R | 6-1 | 205 | 09/26/79 |
| 79 | Zing Mauve Jar | S/R | 5-11 | 165 | 05/04/84 |
| Outfielders | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 36 | Ailing Crows | R/R | 6-2 | 220 | 11/30/76 |
| 6 | Hid Scruffy | L/L | 5-10 | 180 | 04/20/80 |
| 10 | Java Is Arid | R/R | 5-11 | 190 | 10/19/80 |
| 49 | Mental Touch | L/R | 5-11 | 185 | 10/28/81 |
| — | Ritz Joy Number | L/R | 6-0 | 210 | 04/15/69 |
| 38 | Say Banjo | R/R | 6-2 | 200 | 09/20/78 |
| 29 | Toy Judger | L/L | 6-0 | 190 | 09/18/77 |
1. Fire My Tic Jar!!
3. test
4. test 4