If I were to wear my Media Mask, the following paragraph would be Rather Coy, and I would give a disclaimer that I only Hurl In Jest the upcoming insults. But no. The Joke’s Mine, and they are Sober Gags. I don’t want to put the Best Sheen on anything. I mean what I say.
The Brewers don’t have many Old Banners hanging from the rafters reminding them of their glory days, because they’ve had the Same Twit in charge making everyone Dramamine Ill all these years. Now that they have been able to Shave Bud from their Anarchic Soup of incompetent management, they are finally getting Real Close to contending.
Acquiring a guy who Is Key Cooker isn’t exactly a big offseason splash, but you don’t have to dance like Red Mariachis if you’ve slowly Pilfered Nicer over time. Let the young Jello Pan Aces grow and solidify together, and you’ll have a tasty team.
So some advice for anyone who is planning to Ski Nevada anytime soon: take a stop at a casino and Laden Nevada with my wisdom. If Nerds Ante A’s, the cool kids Cut Or Drink Brew. May I Grill In Heck if I’m wrong, but the over-under lines of 79 1/2 to 81 1/2 wins for the Brewers are too low. Bet the over, and when you fill up the Old Bank, remember the guy who Called Homer on Milwaukee.
40-man roster:
| Pitchers | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 39 | Anarchic Soup | L/L | 6-2 | 220 | 08/19/78 |
| 15 | Best Sheen | R/R | 6-1 | 220 | 07/18/78 |
| 59 | Cut Or Drink Brew | R/R | 6-3 | 210 | 01/25/78 |
| 40 | End Risk On Bench | R/R | 6-4 | 190 | 02/04/81 |
| 30 | Grill In Heck | R/R | 6-3 | 240 | 12/15/70 |
| 55 | Hook Atom | R/R | 6-1 | 200 | 03/18/76 |
| 43 | Hurl in Jest | R/R | 6-2 | 200 | 08/03/77 |
| 71 | If Nerds Ante A’s | R/R | 6-4 | 210 | 04/09/81 |
| 52 | Jello Pan Aces | R/R | 6-4 | 235 | 01/13/81 |
| 70 | Joke’s Mine | R/R | 6-4 | 200 | 04/23/83 |
| 37 | Laden Nevada | L/L | 6-1 | 250 | 10/29/83 |
| 46 | Media Mask | R/R | 6-5 | 190 | 07/29/78 |
| 41 | Old Bank | R/R | 6-4 | 230 | 03/29/75 |
| 65 | Pray Man Ran | L/L | 6-3 | 200 | 10/30/82 |
| 58 | Red Mariachis | S/R | 6-3 | 210 | 09/28/80 |
| 38 | Same Twit | R/R | 6-4 | 195 | 11/18/75 |
| 31 | Shave Bud | R/R | 6-2 | 210 | 11/09/79 |
| 51 | Ski Nevada | R/R | 6-3 | 190 | 06/25/75 |
| 49 | Void As Dug | R/L | 6-4 | 215 | 09/21/75 |
| 67 | Uncover All Saliva | S/R | 6-2 | 190 | 11/28/83 |
| Catchers | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 21 | Called Homer | R/R | 6-3 | 210 | 02/18/75 |
| 26 | Dramamine Ill | R/R | 6-3 | 220 | 10/13/69 |
| Infielders | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 2 | Ball Hill | R/R | 6-0 | 195 | 12/28/79 |
| 7 | DJ Hay Jr. | R/R | 6-2 | 180 | 08/19/82 |
| 47 | Is Key Cooker | L/R | 6-3 | 225 | 06/28/73 |
| 23 | Is Wee Kicker | R/R | 6-0 | 195 | 09/13/82 |
| 6 | Officer Jill | R/R | 6-1 | 200 | 09/23/69 |
| 28 | Pilfered Nicer | L/R | 6-0 | 260 | 05/09/84 |
| 61 | Rain Banner Hirer | L/R | 6-1 | 160 | 06/29/84 |
| 63 | Scan Her Zones | S/R | 6-0 | 190 | 01/03/77 |
| Outfielders | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 27 | Crab Darkly | R/R | 6-2 | 200 | 04/18/73 |
| 10 | Levy Dark Zen | L/L | 6-1 | 180 | 11/07/81 |
| 8 | No Zen Curls | R/R | 6-3 | 175 | 07/01/80 |
| 74 | Old Banners | L/R | 6-2 | 220 | 12/23/82 |
| 1 | Rather Coy | R/R | 6-6 | 200 | 03/24/82 |
| 45 | Real Close | R/R | 6-2 | 240 | 06/20/76 |
| 5 | Sniff Jog Knee | L/R | 6-1 | 210 | 07/21/74 |
| 18 | Sober Gags | L/R | 6-3 | 210 | 10/21/79 |
| 22 | Thy Nanny Gown | L/R | 6-0 | 185 | 10/04/82 |