After a game like last night’s 5-4 loss to Texas, I’d normally be frightened that the A’s division lead is now going to quickly shrink to nothing. Bah. Frightened, schmightened.

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Here’s a test of your ability to imagine the impossible: try to picture in your mind the love child of Zza Zza Gabor and Richard Simmons.

You’d get a woman who speaks in a strange, affected accent, calls everyone around her “Dahling”, has so much energy she can’t sit still or stop talking for one second, and when she really gets excited, can’t help but share her energy by getting everybody else to stand up and cheer along with her.

That’s who I sat next to at the A’s game last night, way up in the right-field corner of the second deck.

Every time the A’s got a couple of runners on base, Zza Zza Simmons would stand up, turn around at her section, and shout, “OK, Dahlings, it’s time to do the wave! One, two, three…GO! Wooooooooooooooo!”

Now that was truly frightening.