Please Put Emil Brown Out Of My Misery
by Ken Arneson
2008-07-25 18:52

I’m looking at the lineup for tonight’s game against the Rangers. Emil Brown is batting cleanup. Against a right-handed pitcher (Vicente Padilla). Yes, the A’s now have a cleanup hitter who is hitting .250/.282/.382.

OK, go ahead and just trade everybody, Billy Beane. Because if Emil Brown is your cleanup hitter, your team is really, really pathetic. Actually, if an outfielder with a .669 OPS is even on your roster at this stage of the season, let alone batting cleanup, you’re not really even paying attention. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that’s because you’re so busy making trade proposals that you haven’t had time to get replace him yet, and not because your TV is stuck on the Fox Soccer Channel. Especially because, you know, Euro 2008 is over, the English Premier League hasn’t started up yet, and the Earthquakes are even farther from a playoff spot than the A’s.

Yeesh.

Comments: 7
1.   Ken Arneson
2008-07-25 19:20

1.  Of course, Brown draws a walk in his first PA, just to make me look bad.

2.   JL25and3
2008-07-25 19:28

2.  The Yanks have an outfielder with a .654 OPS. He doesn't bat cleanup, but he does play every damn game.

Granted, he has more defensive value than Emil Brown. I have more defensive value than Emil Brown.

3.   Ken Arneson
2008-07-25 19:36

3.  2 Well, at least Melky is only 23. And he's playing CF, where it's easier to forgive a low OPS. Brown is 10 years older than Melky, and only plays corner OF.

4.   JL25and3
2008-07-25 19:39

4.  All true. And given how painful it is for me to watch Melky, I can only imagine what it must be like to have Emil.

5.   Gagne55
2008-07-25 21:08

5.  Andruw Jones.

6.   jmoney
2008-07-25 22:01

6.  I wish we could put Emil Brown and Alan Embree into a rocket and fire them into the sun.

7.   Philip Michaels
2008-07-25 22:25

7.  3 Melky can also field a fly ball without turning it into an Indiana Jones chase scene.

I'm in Kansas City this weekend -- just got back from a Royals game. And my host at the game, a charming man, turned to me at one point and said, "Man, it's great not having Emil Brown in the outfield any more." And then he laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more.

Royals fans are laughing at us. At us!

Also, the A's were trailing 6-5 in the top of the ninth when room service knocked on my door to deliver a late-night snack. I called my wife, finished my snack, and then remembered the game. Probably over now, I thought -- I wonder if the A's mounted a comeback in the ninth.

I checked the computer -- the score was now 14-5 and Texas was still batting.

I went back to forgetting the game was being played.

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