Yo, Toaster, Let’s Kick It!
All right stop, collaborate and listen
Old In Jeans has a brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me, trades just flow.
All chump playas just have to go.
No Grouchy Sin, Nor Green Sky,
Old In Jeans hits the bull in the eye,
Quick to the point, I’ll give you proof,
We gonna blow the Onion Salsa Roof,
If there was a problem, Yo, I’ll solve it,
Check us out: Vanilla Ice Dept.
Vanilla Ice Dept. Vanilla Ice Dept.
Vanilla Ice Dept. Vanilla Ice Dept.
Take heed, ’cause I’m a lyrical poet
We’re animal fierce in case you didn’t know it
Last year’s chumps were far too nice
Now Rangers got some Jeers Not Lice.
We add Mink Wool Devil, plus A Mean Toad,
Join Bearskin World, kick tail on the road,
I Abuse Rhinos, I Air A Skunk, Too.
Make the other team stink instead of you
After they lose, they’ll have Cried For Raccoons.
Now we Look Meaner, not a moment too soon.
If there was a problem, Yo, I’ll solve it,
Check us out: Vanilla Ice Dept.
Vanilla Ice Dept. Vanilla Ice Dept.
Vanilla Ice Dept. Vanilla Ice Dept.
Yo man — Let’s get out of here! Word to your mother.
40-man roster:
| Pitchers | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 21 | A Mean Toad | R/R | 6-2 | 190 | 11/23/77 |
| 73 | Abort Fiasco | L/L | 5-8 | 150 | 01/20/85 |
| 58 | Abuse Rhinos | L/L | 5-11 | 190 | 09/26/68 |
| 71 | Anagram Goal Radar | R/R | 6-4 | 170 | 01/15/82 |
| 50 | Coffin Car Snark | R/R | 6-2 | 220 | 09/11/79 |
| 31 | Cried For Raccoons | R/R | 6-2 | 235 | 05/11/75 |
| 40 | I Air A Skunk Too | R/R | 6-0 | 200 | 01/13/72 |
| 53 | In Job Equation | R/R | 6-3 | 220 | 07/26/77 |
| 54 | Immerse A Razor | L/L | 6-0 | 190 | 04/29/76 |
| 51 | Jeers Not Lice | R/R | 6-3 | 230 | 02/07/79 |
| 36 | Jowls, Inc. | L/L | 6-2 | 200 | 11/18/80 |
| 75 | Labor Meter | R/R | 6-3 | 190 | 08/24/81 |
| 43 | Look Meaner | R/R | 6-8 | 225 | 09/10/81 |
| 70 | Lowliest Tent | R/R | 6-3 | 200 | 09/02/82 |
| 39 | Men Told Facts | L/R | 6-5 | 210 | 02/07/83 |
| 33 | Mink Wool Devil | R/R | 6-4 | 230 | 12/24/74 |
| 59 | Posh Jure | R/R | 6-2 | 200 | 08/18/82 |
| 47 | Shadow Jinn | R/R | 6-2 | 190 | 08/05/72 |
| 67 | Solved One Quiz | R/R | 6-1 | 190 | 07/03/83 |
| 41 | Uzi Jam Dungeon | R/R | 6-2 | 195 | 05/18/80 |
| 44 | Vanilla Ice Dept. | R/R | 6-2 | 220 | 09/27/77 |
| 45 | Yak Cried | R/R | 6-3 | 220 | 10/29/74 |
| Catchers | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 27 | Jars Abroad | R/R | 6-2 | 220 | 09/05/75 |
| 15 | Ladder Grail | R/R | 6-2 | 220 | 11/03/79 |
| Infielders | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 76 | Admiral Isobar | R/R | 6-2 | 195 | 01/05/83 |
| 5 | Alien Rinks | R/R | 6-0 | 175 | 06/22/82 |
| 9 | Balk On Chalk | L/R | 6-1 | 200 | 11/21/80 |
| 25 | Hi, Linen VP | R/R | 6-2 | 230 | 01/19/71 |
| 3 | Joins Aquaria | R/R | 6-1 | 160 | 09/21/84 |
| 10 | Lime Nacho Guy | R/R | 6-1 | 190 | 10/19/76 |
| 20 | Mulch Dallas Glamor | R/R | 6-1 | 200 | 12/19/78 |
| 23 | Rare Tiki Exam | S/R | 6-3 | 220 | 04/11/80 |
| 7 | Road Makers | R/R | 6-1 | 205 | 02/26/75 |
| Outfielders | B/T | Ht | Wt | DOB | |
| 22 | Dead Dull Civic | L/L | 5-11 | 190 | 10/31/73 |
| 17 | A Nice Lynx | L/L | 6-0 | 200 | 10/30/80 |
| 6 | Bearskin World | L/L | 6-0 | 205 | 06/01/77 |
| 28 | Hen Neck Vim | R/R | 6-0 | 225 | 01/07/78 |
| 30 | Jots Batons | S/R | 6-5 | 250 | 07/26/80 |
| 14 | Wham Strategy | S/R | 6-3 | 225 | 08/25/74 |
1. I'm nominating this for the greatest baseball blog post in the history of the interweb.
2. I bet that if the Phillies had known about Vanilla Ice Dept's musical talent, they wouldn't have traded him.
3. I've been doing some anagrams myself, for my own enjoyment, and I was amused to see some exact matches (ABORT FIASCO, BEARSKIN WORLD), pleasantly surprised by some that I missed (VANILLA ICE DEPT., CRIED FOR RACCOONS), and somewhat puzzled by some omissions that I thought for sure I'd see here (SQUID LOVE ZONE, GAYEST WARMTH).