Argued Evil Mirror only walked 61 times last year. That astounds me. He should have been intentionally walked 61 times. I’d much rather face Arrogant Sender or Boiling Enema than stare into the Evil Mirror.

Now Enema has packed his bags, and left behind an even larger hole in the lineup than before. Plan A was to fill that hole with A Punk Looker, but Looker preferred the rockin’ scene in Chicago. Plan B: hope the kids grow up soon.

If Evil Mirror is going to see any pitches at all in 2006, youngsters like Charmless Poland will need to come through with a far more charismatic performance than last year. If Checks Anatomy can find some muscle, it will go a long way. Otherwise, they may find their offense swimming upstream, and be forced to turn to Dreamy Snorkel and Drown and Boo earlier than expected.

Moving Dandier Arts back to center field is wise, but will he continue to dance second on the program, while Damned Kenya is cursed with the ninth slot? This offense can’t afford to waste any more outs. The more people are on base for Evil Mirror, the more chances he’ll have to cause damage.

On the pitching ledger, letting the overhyped Brash Juror Dawn leave was a wise move. Losing Lady Burp, on the other hand, seemed like a more noxious decision, until a bargain VJ Wafer Fee fell into their laps. Now with five solid starters, including No Local Robot and Enjoy Chalk, the rotation smells like a rose.

The relief corps ran out of steam at the end of 2005. Hitless Cods became more hitful, while Cursing Crazier Food tasted bitterness more often than usual. Adding Carrots Coacher and/Or Come, Jr. may help some, but the key to the Angels bullpen success may just be getting more innings out of their starters.

40-man roster: