On Miguel Tejada becoming a free agent
2003-03-15 23:33
Oakland fans should be resigned
To not getting all-stars re-signed.
They shouldn’t despair
For with Billy Beane there
Another star’s not far behind.
On my lack of activity
2003-03-11 23:33
If you wonder why I’m getting lax
With no recent poems–relax.
There’s nothing bad brewing,
Unless you count doing
My state and my federal tax.
On the financial troubles of Elysian Fields Quarterly
2003-03-08 0:33
Millions say, “I am a fan.”
Yet few will pay EFQ’s man.
He doesn’t succeed
Because no one will read;
Kids these days, they only scan.
On interviewing Al Leiter
2003-03-07 23:33
If you’re a stupid, bad writer
Just interview players like Leiter.
Don’t praise or berate him,
Just quote him verbatim
And your writing is instantly brighter.
On Jamie Moyer being his own agent
2003-03-03 23:33
Life must be good if you’re Moyer.
You somehow convinced your employer
Despite your old age
To pay a big wage,
Which you won’t have to share with your lawyer.
The Cellphone Song
2003-03-02 12:23
Here’s a stupid song
About a stupid thing
It may have much that’s wrong
But at least I do not sing.
Download the song:
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On Jason Isringhausen
2003-03-01 12:00
Since Eckersley, Tony and Dunc
Think a closerless bullpen is sunk.
But if Izzy’s too busy
He isn’t Eck, is he?
He’s more like the next Eric Plunk.
Parodying Paul Simon, when Baseball Prospectus goes pro
2003-03-01 12:00
The problem has hit me mostly economically
What is a Nickle worth, and what about Penny?
My favorite web site now no longer will be free
I must pay forty bucks to read my BP.
I asked, “Is 40 bucks a price that is so wise?”
The answer is easy if you care to analyze
That is the price where revenues will maximize
I must pay forty bucks to read my BP.
Forty bucks to read my BP.
That’s what it Costas, Bob.
It’s not too Deer, Rob.
Fork up the Cash, Norm.
And stay informed.
Just pay the Money, Don.
Give up the Green, Shawn.
Let’s take a Gamble, Lee.
And buy BP.
You said, “Ben Grieve news is hardly worth two cents,”
Is this the best way to spend my Schillings, Pounds, and Pence?”
I said, “I understand that, but just think of their expense.”
You said, “Why don’t we just wait ’til we have got a clue?
We can decide sometime after next month’s sneak preview.”
I thought about it and realized that’s the thing to do
Before paying forty bucks to read my BP.
Forty bucks to read my BP.
That’s what it Costas, Bob.
It’s not too Deer, Rob.
Fork up the Cash, Norm.
And stay informed.
Just pay the Money, Don.
Give up the Green, Shawn.
Let’s take a Gamble, Lee.
And buy BP.
On the death of Mister Rogers
2003-02-28 12:00
A loss that feels worse than a shame
Like never will life be the same:
What do you do?
Snap, tomorrow is new,
A beautiful day for a game.
On Randy Winn’s troubles with names
2003-02-27 12:50
The thing about a new team that really makes me sweat
Is learning all my teammates’ names so I won’t forget.
There’s Freddy, Arthur, Carlos, Chris, Greg and Gil and Ben,
Then that guy I get mixed up–Kelly? maybe Ken?
There’s Julio and Rafael, Steve, Luis, and Rett,
There’s Edgar, Mike and Mark and Matt, and the funny Bret.
Ryan, Aaron, Ryan, Aaron, Ryan, Willie, Dan,
Shigetoshi, Kazuhiro, Ichiro–Japan!
Joel and J.J., John and John, Jamie and Jamal,
Just Jeff and Jeff and Jeff are left. There, I think that’s all!
On Pedro Feliz
2003-02-26 11:30
It looks like the false age police
Have caught on to Pedro Feliz.
It’s not hard to envision
The roster decision
Where the Giants choose whom to release.
On the new UZR fielding stat
2003-02-24 1:33
I’m trying to understand UZR
But I’m feeling a little confUZR.
In L.F. Long’s the pits
Cuz C.F. gave him fits?
I don’t get it; I must be a lUZR.
On Left-handed Knuckleballers
2003-02-24 0:33
Pronouncing each left-handed knuckler
Just tickles me: try it: “Nap Ruckler!”
When I whoop, “Mickey Haefner!”
I burst out in laughner,
And “Wilbur Wood!” too be a chuckler.
On Bobby Abreu
2003-02-21 18:32
“What’s great about Bobby Abreu,”
Says Bowa, “He’ll never dismeu.”
He just gives his best
And will not protest,
Whatever you ask, he’ll obeu.”
On the idea of a European-style relegation system
2003-02-19 12:33
The creation
and implementation
of a system of relegation
would only be a temptation
after a long period of frustration
without a single so-called abberation
getting a World Series celebration,
and would only come as an act of desperation
due to serious franchise value hyperdeflation,
in combination
with inebriation.
On the two-headed catcher system
2003-02-19 10:00
Though two-headedness has its charms,
This really should raise some alarms.
If catchers see double
It could cause some trouble
Unless they have added forearms.
On Livan Hernandez’ altercation with an old man
2003-02-16 12:00
“Don’t trust this dishonest old man.
That’s not how it really began.
His story’s a con.
All I did,” said Livan,
“Was tell him, ‘Don’t call me Livann.'”
The Ballad of Rob Neyer
2003-02-13 12:22
I had a short exchange
With ESPN’s Rob Neyer
Which led me to arrange
A song that it inspired.
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On Mark McGwire
2003-02-12 12:58
Ah, Mister Home Run, Mark McGwire!
A guy that I really admire.
For back when he played,
He mastered his trade,
And then he knew how to retire.
On my screwing up the meter on a limerick
2003-02-10 10:00
I’d like to see you spend a week
Trying to learn how to speak
Exactly like Peter
And then hold your meter,
(Like Wakefield, then Nen), and technique.