Though usually they are phenomenal,
This year their help has been nominal.
Johnson explained,
“My right knee’s inflamed,”
While Schilling’s excuse is abdominal.
Though usually they are phenomenal,
This year their help has been nominal.
Johnson explained,
“My right knee’s inflamed,”
While Schilling’s excuse is abdominal.
A new way to watch Boston ball
Is atop Fenway’s famous green wall.
I hope that high climb
Is not like the rhyme
Where we hear about bad eggs who fall.
These days, I can’t blame Bob Brenly
For not being terribly friendly.
Each way you lose
Results in the blues,
But the worst way to lose is againly.
The Pirates’ big star, Brian Giles,
Has a case of the out-for-a-whiles.
While he rehabs his knee,
They will play offense-free,
Though Pittsburgh will issue denials.
We fight Iraq so they won’t get
A nuclear reactor.
In Cooperstown, a bigger threat
Is Nuke LaLoosh, the actor.
Someone tell the Hall of Fame
That if you take a stance
Don’t find Americans to blame;
That’s why we have France.
Or, do a dance:
Pedro gets battered around?
The world has been turned upside down!
Will wonders not cease?
Whodathunk that back east,
K.C.’d be the talk of the town?
Today I have learned something new
As Randy got crushed by the Crew.
I had heard people say:
“On any given day…”
But I never had thought it was true.
Now fragile, just like a cracked egg,
A long reign is on its last leg.
After years of control
Comes a test of Braves’ souls
If Maddux is Mike and not Greg.
I know that it may sound outrageous,
As this shoulder disease is contagious,
But Ken’s low endurance
If the Reds bought insurance
Might fiscally be advantageous.
In Hell, fields are covered with snow.
Chicago’s famed winds will not blow.
The White Sox are crying
‘Cause pigs started flying;
The Royals are now 3 and 0.
We should be discussing the Rocket
As he put one more win in his pocket.
But forget Roger’s heater;
Poor Derek Jeter
Had his armbone dislodged from its socket.
Though certainly there’s been no doubtin’
That few can compel us like Bouton,
I would have preferred
That he’d sometimes be heard
Without some new book that he’s toutin’.
To rely on the wisdom of scouts
For projecting who hits or makes outs,
And just eyeball at-bats
Without using stats–
Well, that’s like trying to write a poem without knowing anything about meter–you might write a good one if you’re lucky, but I have my doubts.
To borrow a phrase from Joe Sheehan,
The average Joe European
Is a baseball illiterate.
So I laugh to consider it:
“Baseball? What’s that? Let’s go skiin’!”